Time

on

You were the one
I wanted most
to stay.

But time could not
be kept at bay.

The more it goes,
the more it’s gone—
the more it takes away.

– Lang Leav

Catch a load of those feels.

Although in all seriousness, it is very true. The more time goes, the more it’s gone and the more it takes away.

Today is the three year anniversary since Dad passed. Let’s do the blog post I swerved the other week and talk post-engagement.

Now, it may be construed that I’m being melodramatic about what should be one of the happiest occasions in your life yet it hasn’t been plain sailing.

The overwhelming feeling following our engagement has been happiness and excitement – of course that has naturally simmered down somewhat now. On the other hand, there have been a few moments, even days where that feeling has been the complete polar opposite.

After the proposal, it hit me like a tonne of bricks – naturally I blubbered like a child.

The week running up to, and including the weekend of Father’s Day was what you could class a car crash. I didn’t cope. Nope. Not in the slightest. I had tried to deal with it, accept it, explore it, express it.

Nothing worked. I went into work, the day after Father’s Day. The idea of spending all day with 30 young children, trying to put on a façade just wasn’t going to happen. I had a complete melt down.

On reflection, I hadn’t felt and expressed that much grief since Dad actually passed. When I stood outside my parents house, the clouds grey and dark with rain, immediately after the funeral director drove off with Dad. I had never cried so much and so hard in my life.

It wrenched my heart.

I’m engaged. But my Dad doesn’t know. My dad couldn’t be asked. My dad won’t be there. My dad won’t walk me down the aisle. There’ll be no father-daughter dance.

You get the picture?

‘Oh, but your Dad will be watching over you – somewhere’.

Sorry, but he sat on a shelf in the crematorium for six months then we divvied him up into a couple of parts and chucked the rest into the sea.

Grim, harsh. What can I say? I’m a realist.

On the journey towards our wedding, I’m almost sure these feelings will ebb and fade. There will be highs and lows. Smiles and tears.

Let’s lighten the mood – in more positive news, tomorrow we’re going to our first wedding fair. I genuinely have no idea what to expect!

This week I also visited a far, distant land. One that has not been explored for more weeks than I care to admit… THE GYM.

*cue dramatic music*

Mon | Yoga |✔️ Decided to kick start the week with some more intense yoga.

Tues | Gym | ✔️ Run and cycle followed by a strengthening session on the legs and core.

Weds | Rest |✔️

Thurs | Gym | ✔️ Run + arms/chest. I’m determined to up my pace and was pleased with what I accomplished today.

Fri | Football |✔️ Huuuuuge 9 vs. 9 match in the rain.

Sat | Rest | ✔️

Sun | Rest | ✔️ I finally stopped aching from everything this week.

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Also – happy birthday to me, well the blog. I’ve been blogging for a year!

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